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For Sale- "Cheesehead Wedding"

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  • For Sale- "Cheesehead Wedding"

    Dear Development Executive:

    Please allow me to introduce my comedy script entitled Cheesehead Wedding.

    A Chicago Bears fan living in a small Wisconsin town is forced to cheer for the Green Bay Packers in order to marry his girlfriend.

    When Mike Sarnowski renounces his bachelorhood to marry Megan Colby, he doesn’t realize he will also be forced to shed his loyalty to the Bears after he meets her eccentric father, Carl. Carl literally worships the Packers and violently opposes anyone who roots for Chicago. At first, Mike goes to elaborate lengths to trick his future father-in-law into thinking he’s a Packers fan. He redecorates his tavern, the Bear’s Claw, to make it look like a Packers bar. He expels a Bears fan from his establishment, not knowing until it is too late that this individual has been sent by Mike Ditka to determine if Mike is worthy of the McMahon Award, which would make the Bear’s Claw the official watering hole of the Bears.

    Mike’s ruse works until Carl’s dog, Bart, discovers the Bears jersey Mike has concealed under his Packers apparel. Carl refuses to allow the wedding to proceed until Mike decides to become a Packers fan and participate in a cheesehead wedding at his house. Mike reluctantly agrees to this proposition. He and Megan secretly contrive a plan to hold a Bears-themed wedding at the bar.

    During the following week, Carl subjects Mike to brutal hazing, which includes a “baptism” with cold beer in the frigid Colby backyard and putting him in the line of fire during a Lambeau leap after he is forced to gorge on fried cheese curds. As Mike and his brother are getting the bar ready for the Bears wedding, they discover the rings have been stolen. When the thief invades the tavern, Mike‘s brother slips him a potent libation. After the thief passes out, Mike retrieves the rings and locks the crook in a restroom. As the cheesehead wedding commences, Megan pretends to have cold feet and runs out of the house.

    When Carl discovers that the hotel she supposedly fled to is non-existent, he storms over to the bar and discovers that the crook has broken out of the restroom and has taken the wedding party hostage. Carl is compelled to reveal the Bears logo tattooed on his backside and the story behind his hypocrisy. Ditka is so impressed with Mike’s restraint after Carl’s confession, he gives him the McMahon after Carl uses it to knock out the thief. Mike gives the award to Carl and makes him a business partner. After the wedding, the guests chase Mike and Megan out of the bar while bombarding them with beer nuts and Carl’s loyalty to the Bears is rekindled when Ditka pours Old Style on his head.

    The script is inspired by my experiences as a Bears fan living in Wisconsin. Cheesehead Wedding is my fifth feature-length script. It is complete at 101 pages and is available upon request. I have a bachelor's degree in English literature from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Thank you for your consideration and I look forward to your reply.


    Greg Przywara