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Reviews for my short film screenplay please

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  • Reviews for my short film screenplay please

    Hello

    I have written a screenplay for a short sci-fi film. If everyone involved is happy with the script, we will start filming it soon. I have a small team of professional 3D and special effect animators and sound designers.

    Here is what I have written. I would be grateful for your thoughts, thank you

    THE TIME DIARY

    By Scott Evans

    Screenplay for film short

    FADE IN

    INT. ANTONYíS LIVING ROOM Ė NIGHT

    ANTONY, early 30s and dressed like a school teacher, sits on the end of a sofa writing in his diary. HANK, a similar age to Antony but scruffier looking leaps onto the sofa at the opposite end and switches on the television with a remote.

    Hank observes Antony writing in his diary with contempt

    HANK
    How gay are you Ant?

    ANTONY
    Aye?

    HANK
    You! Writing all you little secrets in your diary. Writing about your feelings are you?

    ANTONY
    Stop talking shit Hank and do what you enjoy most, watching 22 sweaty men running around after each other
    (Antony mutters to himself)
    Your the big gay

    HANK
    You what! The fact that you donít like sport makes you gay

    ANTONY
    Im gay because I dont like watching loads of men on TV? Because I donít obess over specific Ďspecialí players and worry about them when they get hurt, or feel like Iím gonna cry with happiness when they achieve something?!

    HANK
    You have a diary! You big girl!

    ANTONY
    I have a time machine!!!

    This stuns Hank into silence for a moment

    HANK
    You what?

    ANTONY
    This
    (Antony gestures diary)
    Is a time machine

    HANK
    That?

    ANTONY
    Yes, this

    HANK
    What the feck are you talking about~!

    ANTONY
    (He sighs, as if preparing to explain something Hank will not understand)
    This diary will allow me to travel in time.

    HANK
    What? Your gonna go all Doctor Who and visit the dinosaurs?

    ANTONY
    No! Youíre such a bloody knobhead. No Iím not going all Doctor Who. Iím not going to actually physically travel in time, Iím recording my life on a daily basis and then in years to come, I can MENTALLY relive experiences from my past.

    HANK
    Why?

    ANTONY
    Why wouldnít I?

    HANK
    Cos your life is shit mate! You hate your job, the kids at the school hate you, your ex wife hates you. I hate you. You have a shitty life. Why would you want to relive that? Youíre a fucking nobody.

    Antony tries to answer back but finds himself lost for words.

    Antony and Hank stop talking. Hank turns on the football channel and Antony continues writing.

    (Time passes)

    HANK
    You know what you wanna do?

    ANTONY
    (Groans)
    What?

    HANK
    Make a real time machine

    ANTONY
    (Dismissingly)
    Just watch the men with the little shorts on TV

    HANK
    Nah, Im serious.

    Antony looks up from his writing and turns to Hank

    ANTONY
    Howwwww?
    (He reluctantly askes)

    HANK
    Well, what you need to do is write a really good diary, not just about your sad pathetic life, but about what is going on with the world and continue to write it every day like you said. Yeah

    ANTONY
    Right.....

    HANK
    Then, when you die you leave it to a museum

    ANTONY
    K, and the time travelling bit

    HANK
    Well hereís the clever part. Write in your diary now, in big feck off letters so that no one misses it
    (Hank emphasizes)
    HOW TO INVENT TIME TRAVEL. IF TIME TRAVEL EXISTS IN THE FUTURE, IT IS BECAUSE I (YOU), ANTONY CARTER, INVENTED TIME TRAVEL!

    ANTONY
    Aye?

    HANK
    Iím getting to it! Look, if someone in the future has the ability to time travel, he can travel back to tonight and give you the instructions on how to make a time machine. If its something a bit complicated...

    ANTONY
    A bit complicated?

    HANK
    If its a bit complicated, then you can take the instructions to a scienctist or publish it in one of those science newspapers? The point is, you will have invented time travel because the person from the future will have told you how to do it.

    ANTONY
    And how did he know how to make a time machine?

    HANK
    Because you invented it in his past!

    ANTONY
    That doesnt work!

    HANK
    Why not?

    ANTONY
    Because it would have needed to have been invented somewhere

    HANK
    No it wouldnít. Its dead simple. In 2013 time travel was invented by you, Mr Carter because a time traveller travels back in time and gives you the instructions for a working time machine. Its a paradox, its an infinite loop with no start or end! Its Star Trek 4 rules!

    ANTONY
    Star Trek?

    HANK
    Yeah, when Bones and Scotty gives a bloke in the 80ís the details on how to make an engine part, or something like that. Point is, he got the information from the future, and they had that information in the future because the man in the 80ís invented it when he got given the details

    ANTONY
    Thats bullshit

    HANK
    Write it in your diary

    ANTONY
    NO!

    HANK
    Write it in your god damn diary!

    ANTONY
    No, its fecking stupid!

    HANK
    Write it in your diary or Im gonna come and punch you in the face when your asleep!

    ANTONY
    Iíll kick you in your balls right now you god damn dumbass!

    Antony and Hank begin fighting, in a wrestling manner, nothing too aggressive

    [Scene Fades out]

    [Scene Fades in]

    Hank is stood holding a hammer to a chinchillas head, whilst Antony is anxiously standing nearby

    ANTONY
    Just put down Mr Wibbles, Hank

    HANK
    (Breathless)
    Right it in the god damn diary Ant!

    ANTONY
    Okay, okay
    (Antony mutters to himself)
    Iím so gonna kick him in the balls in a minute

    HANK
    WhAT!

    ANTONY
    Nothing, Iím just looking for my pen

    HANK
    Itís here!

    ANTONY
    Where?

    HANK
    Here!

    Hank turns around and there is a pen stabbed into him shoulder

    Antony walks over and retrieves the pen

    ANTONY
    Okay! Iím writing ďI, Antony Carter, the inventor of Time Travel, bestow this secret to you. I invented time travel because on Wednesday 13th March, 2013, a time traveller, as instructed by me now, here in writing, will come to me on this date and at

    HANK
    Say 9pm, which is two minutes from now

    ANTONY
    The time traveller will come to me today, the 13th March, 2013, at precisely 9pm and give to me instructions how to invent a working time machine. With these instructions, I, Antony Carter, will invent time travel. Okay, are you happy now? Give me Mr Weebles

    HANK
    Do you swear to never tear out those instructions

    ANTONY
    Yes

    HANK
    Swear it, or help me God I will kick Weeblyís ass to Hell!

    ANTONY
    I swear it! I will leave it in, if only to record what a complete nutter I was forced to live with!

    HANK
    Okay

    Hank tosses Mr Weeble to Antony and watches the clock

    The hand on the clock ticks down to 9pm

    Both Antony and Hank become fixated on the time

    9pm strikes and....nothing

    ANTONY
    See! You are a complete fecking idoit!

    HANK
    No! You must tear out the pages in the future! Youíre a god damn liar

    Hank raises the Hammer over his head

    HANK
    Iím gonna kill you Mr Weebles

    Hank steps forward to grab Mr Weebles but suddenly a flash of light knocks Hank and Antony across the room onto the sofa

    As the pair look up, they see a wormhole, a tear in space and time, open up right in front of them

    Antony and Hank are dumbfounded

    A man (PHILIP) steps through the vortex into the living room. He looks like a council worker, very smarly dressed in a suit

    PHILIP
    Hello Lord Antony Carter.
    (Philip acknowledges Hank with a nod of his head but does not speak to him)
    My name is Philip Lawlor and I am from the department of British Time Travel.

    HANK
    Youíre a....a....

    PHILIP
    A time traveller my lord, yes sir that is quite correct

    HANK
    Ha! Ha ha! I fucking told you man, fucking suck it

    ANTONY
    Feckingíell. So, so what are you doing here Philip

    PHILIP
    I am here, as you instructed. I am here to give to you the instructions for how to build a time machine. The instructions you released to the scientific community exactly five years ago.

    ANTONY
    Bloody ell! So it worked then

    PHILIP
    Oh yes, it worked mylord. In fact we discovered that the universe was produced in quite the same way. Weíve gone all over time, and space (those instructions are there too) and discovered absolutely everything we wanted to know. When we got back to the big bang, we found a fella called Trevor kickstarting the whole event with his homemade chemistry kit. Trevor told us how it was done, and in a couple of years from now, a fella from Wolverhampton, with our instructions, is going to go start the universe for us. Its the infinite paradox loop.

    HANK
    Ha ha

    ANTONY
    Bloodyíell

    PHILIP
    Sir Antony, you are responsible for everything, you are our creator. Some even call you a God!

    ANTONY
    A God!

    PHILIP
    THE God

    HANK
    Hang on a minute, you what? Antony!?

    PHILIP
    Why yes, it was his amazing insight that has created all of this!

    HANK
    Bullshit!

    PHILIP
    Pardon me

    HANK
    It was my idea, it was all my idea

    PHILIP
    Your idea sir?

    HANK
    Yes, my idea, all of this is down to me. Not this fucking loser here!

    PHILIP
    Is this true Lord Antony

    Hank
    Stop calling him lord!

    PHILIP
    Are Mr Evans claims true

    ANTONY
    Err, no. No, does he look like someone who could have create the universe? Look at him!

    HANK
    What! Donít you fucking dare mate, Iíll....

    Hank picks up the hammer and steps towards Antony when another light erupts in the room, again knocking everyone in the room over. A second vortex opens

    A small woman (MARIA SHORT) steps through the second vortex into the living room. She is dressed all in white and she is pointing a small white cube at Antony, Hank and Philip. Everybody stares up at her in wonderment. Eventually Philip stands up, dusts himself off and steps forward towards the second time traveller.

    PHILIP
    Hello. My name is Philip Lawlor from the British Time Travel Department. Could I please see your travel documents? As you should know there is the highest level travel restriction on this time location and you are in violation of the most sever time laws by being here!

    Philip walks towards the Lady in White with a hand out, expecting to see her documents

    MARIA
    My name is Maria Short from 2023 and I am from the Rebellion and this is my fucking time pass!

    The small white cube in Mariaís hand then fires a white light at Philip Lawlor and disintegrates him.

    Antony and Hank are still sat on the floor and watch in shock as Philips ashes plop down in front of them.

    Maria walks towards them

    MARIA
    I am here to stop you!

    HANK
    Who? Me? What have I done?

    MARIA
    Not you, him. The creator of time travel. The destroyer of religion, the annihilator of civilization!

    ANTONY
    What?

    MARIA
    Once your Time Machine disproved God, all hell broke loose. Morales and decency went out of the window, but that was nothing to what happened next. Next you began inventing weapons from the distant future and before we knew it, you were Lord Carter, ruler of the planet Earth and conquerer of new Worlds! Billions live in misery as you and your team of time agents live in glorious splendor

    HANK
    What about me?

    MARIA
    Who are you?

    HANK
    Who am I? Donít you know me in the future?

    MARIA
    Shut up! I am here to put a stop to all that before it even happens

    HANK
    What the fuck! Shitface here is the ruler of the universe? Where the hell am I?

    MARIA
    SHUT UP!!!!

    ANTONY
    Shut up Hank you fecking moron

    HANK
    No! This was all my idea. I made you write that in your diary. Its because of me that time travel was invented, because of me that you get to rule the God damn world, me, me, me, Iíve done all of this, me!

    MARIA
    Right! So your responisble for the misery and death of billions of lives, for the destructions of entire countries and eventually whole worlds that donít bow at the feet of Lord Carter! You are responsible for all of that you patheic little man

    HANK
    Well no, the time travel bit was my idea

    MARIA
    Say your prayers

    The light on Maria gun cube begins to flare up

    Hank and Antony put their hands up and squeeze their eyes tight shut

    They hear a zip sound. The same sound that the cube made when it incenerated Philip. However, Antony and Hank open their eyes and in front of them is another file of ashes. Marias ashes. They look behind them and see a man steep forward. It is Antony, but another Antony from the Future

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Dumb bitch. Didnít she know what would have happened if she had killed you!

    Antony and Hank get up, bewildered by yet another shock

    ANTONY
    Your me

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Yes, Iím you, twenty years from now

    HANK
    Hey! Are you really King of the world

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Thats right.....er Harry?

    HANK
    You canít even remember my name? Where the fuck am I twenty years from now?

    FUTURE ANTONY
    I donít know, I left you in this shit hole to go off and be rich, famous and ruler of all, lover of all the most beautiful women in history

    HANK
    What! This should all be mine. This was all my idea!

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Well its all in my diary, all in my name! Whose the nobody now, aye?

    Hank looks on in shock and anger, lost for words.

    ANTONY
    Have you lived all of this before? Did you know she was going to come back?

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Kind of. Time travel is a funny thing. There are lots of ways things can be altered. There are lots of people trying to get to this moment in time to do as that woman has just tried. All throughout the rest of history people will try to come back and destroy you because of what you become

    ANTONY
    What is that

    FUTURE ANTONY
    A fucking God! A creator and destroyer of life and all that dwells in this universe!

    ANTONY
    Oh my God!

    HANK
    You bastard, you fucking bastard! You stole the universe from me. It should all be mine.

    Hank goes to strike Future Antony with the hammer but Future Antony puts a force field around him and present day Antony. Hank bashes at the force field

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Originally, Philip here
    (He kicks the ash on the floor)
    Gave you the instructions to time travel, as I was too busy trying to talk Marilyn Monroe into a threesome with Cleopatra. However, one of the rebels here managed to change the past, and she killed Philip.

    ANTONY
    How could she do that

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Ah, time shit. Every action creates a string of timelines. There is a reality for every possible event from every single event. Understand?

    ANTONY
    What?

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Like I said, time shit. She basically used a wormhole in time to change the past. She would have gotten away with it but Philip triggered a warning beckon before he perished.

    ANTONY
    Yeah, but if she killed me, and stopped time travel, then she would never have been able to travel back to stop me in the first place.

    FUTURE ANTONY
    Fuck sake me, donít worry about it. Its all aborted timelines, alternative realities, string theory. Itís Back to the Future two rules. Just fucking thank me for saving OUR life and take this.

    ANTONY
    What is it

    FUTURE ANTONY
    The instructions to time travel. Follow what it says and send the information where instructed to. Pretty soon life if gonna get very interesting for you. Fame, money, girls and unimaginable power!

    Hank, who has been hitting the force field with all of his might to this point, screams at Future Antonys last sentence and drops the hammer and runs over to the seatee.

    HANK
    Hey, Antony, you big fucking thieving bastard!

    Both Antonys look to Hank

    Hank lifts up Antonys diary, opened on the page where it says in big writing HOW TO INVENT TIME TRAVEL.

    HANK
    Fuck you!

    Hank begins to tear the page

    The two Antonys scream NO and dash to stop Hank from tearing up the page in the diary, but the force field is still up and it knocks them back.

    Hank laughs manically and begins tearing at the page like a mad man.

    Everything goes black.

    THE END
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