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Opinion on this short hook?

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  • Opinion on this short hook?

    Now, before a post this just know that I don't have all the proper screenwriting terms down yet. (I'm still learning) I'm going to go back later and edit some of this, but for now I just want to see if this is a good hook. Feel free to help me with the terms but don't bash me for not knowing them.

    Darkness Rises (Working Title)

    The lines of a poem are shown on a book crawling across the screen, one line at a time, as the narrator reads them.


    Darkness Rises, people fall
    In his hands, he holds the call
    Whether they live, whether they die
    He only gets stronger as time slips by
    Will he bring life, or will he create scars
    One thing is for sure, this life is not ours

    After the poem is read a new voice begins to speak. The voice have a smooth tone, but is full of evil. As it begins to speak a man is seen forming in the shadows.

    Shadow Man
    This poem is aobut you Jake. On your 18th birthday you're going to recieve powers. Tey're going to overtake you. You're going to want more and more. You're going to begin craving destruction. The wold is going to burn at your hands Jake. It's going to be all your fault. You hear that jake! ALL YOU FAULT!
    Last edited by myownself; Today at 04:27 PM.
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  • #2
    Can you upload the book, or is this just an example?
    Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue


    • #3
      It's a hook for a screenplay not for a book, and this is basically all I have written so far. I have more but this was the best stopping point.


      • #4
        Oh its the Hook, wow my bad. Ok ill re-read
        Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue


        • #5
          I like the style of it denfinitely. Its hard to say if the Hook will be a hook without knowing the first part of the movie, unless this is the first part of the film?
          Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue


          • #6
            It tis the first part of the movie, minus stuff about the opening creds and stuff.


            • #7
              I agree with Nick, a hook cant be a hook without something to make it a hook. But i see you have potential for a great film, keep it up