Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Logline help proofreading?

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Logline help proofreading?

    Hi everybody!

    I'm planning to make 'a big step' in posting one of my shorts on Inktip. So off course, a little help with the logline would be great :) And if somebody wants to proofread it... ;)

    Logline:
    "University freshman Eve spends her first night in her dorm room, but dies of loneliness when the room turns against her."
    (supernatural/horror, 11 pag., female lead rol, few locations/actors, no/low budget)

    I'm happy to hear your thoughts :)

  • #2
    Still need some help with this script?

    Comment


    • #3
      Your logline doesn't make sense. She dies of loneliness when the room turns against her? That doesn't sound very interesting it just lays there. What does the room do to her? Make up ten or so and pick the one that makes you want to read the script.

      "University freshman Eve is excited to spend her very first night in her dorm room only to find out that her room has plans of its own."

      Comment


      • #4
        I like theusuking's version better, but regardless, I think the basic premise sounds great and will attract a lot of filmmakers especially students who have access to a dorm room. Also, I see that you are from Belgium so English probably isn't your first language. You may need someone to look it over to catch the weird quirk's in our language.

        Good luck!
        Phil

        Comment


        • #5
          Logline:
          "University freshman Eve spends her first night in her dorm room, but dies of loneliness when the room turns against her."
          (supernatural/horror, 11 pag., female lead rol, few locations/actors, no/low budget)
          Here are my thoughts

          Logline:
          "A freshman at a local college finds herself at home with her new dorm room, little did she know that the history of this room will lead to her horrifying and painful death."
          (supernatural/horror, 11 pag., female lead rol, few locations/actors, no/low budget)
          Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue

          Comment


          • #6
            Did you end up posting to inktip? If so, how did it go?

            Comment


            • #7
              Never use a person's name in a log line.

              Comment

              Working...
              X