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Need Feedback on new feature film - first scenes in

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  • Need Feedback on new feature film - first scenes in

    Hi Everyone...

    So I'm working on a new feature. We're shooting guerilla style on my friend's Red Epic. Very fast and very low key.

    I have two questions -

    1. Do you think the card tricks in the opening monologue are distracting or do they work?
    2. Does the actress deliver? I've heard mixed reviews on her. Some think she's weak others like her. I can't decide myself. Everyone seems to be pretty good with the lead and the baby but the girl is in question:
    password: myjon

    Thanks for your help!

  • #2
    Checking this out now


    • #3
      I think the card tricks in the monologue are distracting. They don't really have anything to do with what he's saying, so there really doesn't seem to be a point to them being there except that you want him doing something besides just talking, but it's pretty obvious that that's the only reason they're there.

      The girl is ok. Just ok. She's not great, but she's not terrible either.

      On another note, damn that guy just needs to leave that woman immediately. She's demanding, controlling, insane, and doesn't like sex. Geez guy, just get out!


      • #4
        Darn this is hard to say because psychologically I know you asked to see if the cards were distracting, so when I saw the cards I was wondering if they were distracting therefor rendering my opinion useless because I was distracted of thinking if I was distracted. My biggest tip for getting reviews, is you do it like this:

        Please watch this Clip:

        Once you have completed the clip please read the below questions:
        Reference: About 200,000 hours of editing on six features and getting Jaded, and asking for fresh eyes.

        Ok, im clearing my mind now and im going to watch it again, looks funny BTW
        Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue


        • #5
          Cool, glad you came here for some feedback. I'll be sure to watch this, this evening!


          • #6
            Im laughing right now because I got married at 18, im 28 now so i get it
            Distribber - Keep 100% of your film's revenue


            • #7
              I'm not bothered by the cards, but I think that whole bit should be cut about in half.
              Screenwriter and script consultant:


              • #8
                ok so im the average movie watcher i really could care less if 5 things are awful about a movie and theres only one good thing about it, ill still like the movie.
                that being said this was awesome. i love very ummm monolithic(for lack of a better word) driven comedy.(things like clerks for example) i would actually go as far to say i would pay to see this.

                the cards leave em in my opinion im assuming the tricks will tie in at some point in the story and if they dont...well theres a "why the fuck did they" moment and u get to have a little laugh.

                the girl is kinda off. i know shes supposed to be a "wife" but she just seem like shes ALWAYS mad and i dont know if that is the writeing(because the writing is obviously portraying her as a bitch already) or if its just the fact that shes not a good actor. the real thing that set it off was when she picked up the phone to talk to her sister, that just seemed....ummm fake i guess, she never left the role of being mad at her husband because he was using language infront of there kid. i mean everyone i know thats arguing with there spouse instantly changes tone when there mother or sister calls mid fight but the actress did not do that.

                but on a positive note the writing and ur lead are amazing.
                these are just my opinions once again great work i hope to see the finished product soon


                • #9
                  Thanks for the feedback

                  thanks for all the comments guys - you've all been really super helpful. I'm actually the lead actor in it and it was the first time that I directed myself in a scene and I feel like I fell short in giving the actress the right direction. I think everyone here was spot on....she definitely came "out" of the scene a couple times. I also don't think she's quite right for the've all been really helpful - and I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you for taking the time to watch and give feedback.

                  You guys are the best.