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Celluloidsimple
08-05-2015, 11:30 AM
Hey Friends,

Check out my newest sketch. It's a thriller, but a comedy with a briefcase.

Thanks for watching!

Tony

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbYg0ke42SM

IndieMovieMaker
08-05-2015, 12:13 PM
I actually really liked that, although it did have some problems. There was a part of the film in the middle where the focus pull was a bit off but you just need to practice. And the punchline at the end was not revealed or delivered very well, it felt forced. Besides that, good job!

Anonymous Filmmaker
08-13-2015, 04:06 PM
Nice job! You got a good tone going in the scene from the dialogue to (most of) the framing. Some constructive criticism: The pacing of the shots at the beginning is WAY to slow. You need more shots with more variety and cut more quickly to keep the scene moving. Also, when you cut make sure to cut between shots that are framed differently. The shot you cut to after the focus pull shot was too similar to the one before it. In addition, this looks like it was shot flat and needs (more of) a grade. Nice concept, but as IndieMovieMaker said the ending didn't work.

Celluloidsimple
09-17-2015, 11:52 PM
Thanks for the feedback and for watching! Much appreciated! For some reason I subscribed this forum, but it never show anyone replied.

Celluloidsimple
09-17-2015, 11:54 PM
Yeah, it's weird. It works with some and not with others. It's good to hear what everyone thinks. I need to make sure my punch is a littler more clear in the future. Thank you for watching!