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View Full Version : Looking for feedback on my short film



brendanbueno
01-31-2014, 10:57 AM
This is the first time I've ever attempted to put a scene together using more than one character and dialogue. It is a short scene from a film I wrote called Some Girl. The scene revolves around a struggling artist with her passion for writing, while her friend David chooses to criticize her lifestyle.

Looking for feedback!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1w4n4Gp1nM

EricTheMan
01-31-2014, 11:07 AM
Hey Man, compared to a few other shorts posted lately you have some really good shots and angles going on here. Other then the acting, you guys did a great job keeping my eyes moving around. Good job!

Kevin
01-31-2014, 11:24 AM
Visual interest was definatelly there, and I think the scene was basically well written. I'll be honest, I had trouble understanding some of the lines, partially due to the audio and partially due to the actors. You also really probably needed a tripod because the camera was a bit to shaky, even if you were going for a handheld "feel" intentionally (As opposed to just shooting handheld). I loved how certain props were placed (The Hookah for example) so they were part of the scene but not "Look! It's HERE! Notice it!"

All in all, I think it was well composed, but you'd benifit from either a better mic or doing something to cut echo.

Charles
01-31-2014, 11:35 AM
I think EricTheman nailed it.

Keep it up friend

filmmaker6563
01-31-2014, 01:59 PM
The film doesn't look visually appealing, with changes in saturation from shot to shot, bad framing, shakiness, occasionally visually cluttered or blank frame, strange wardrobe choices, distracting posters and products, a lack of color, and a lack of establishing shots.

The audio was really bad though, that was the main thing that distracted me from the piece. The audio sounded unclear, muddled, and the hissing really took me out of it.

The dialogue wasn't bad though, sure, some lines sounded forced, but it was overall well written. The acting wasn't too shabby either, it wasn't the best, but I've seen MUCH worse.

The knife thing was ridiculous. Please, PLEASE take that out. It seems too convenient of a placement for something to take place, and a bit over the top (ever seen the Water's movie "Serial Mom" lol!)

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Keep on trying and improving. You've got talent, you just have to learn how to use it.